I don’t have time for a long blog, although I miss blogging and writing poetry. But I just had a realization and feel that I have to write it down. Well no, that’s not true. I didn’t just have a realization now; I had it a week or a couple of weeks ago…
I don’t dream anymore. I don’t. When I sleep, it’s just a blank, peaceful sleep. There are no thoughts or stories, good or otherwise, running through my head when I’m asleep. I’ve noticed that my dreamless state started when Scott and I got together. Could it be related? Maybe.
They say that dreams signify either one’s desires or one’s fears. Does my dreamless state mean that, now that I have Scott in my life, my wishes have been granted and my fears erased?
I did ask (the heavens?) for somebody like him. And his presence in my life makes me feel secure. So yes, I think this dreamless state is a consequence of his arrival.
Yesterday, we were talking about what we want to do with the rest of our lives, as we often do. I told him that I wish all our dreams would come true. He said, “They already have, sweetheart.”
I was at Spicy Fingers a couple of months ago, totally impressed with the band that was playing. One song in particular gave me goosebumps. It sounded familiar, though I couldn’t, for the life of me, figure out its title. I never heard the song again, not even on the radio. So off I went to my biggest source of information: Google. And Google, as was expected, delivered again.
The song is The Man Who Can’t Be Moved, by The Script, an Irish band. Below are the video and the lyrics of the song.
______________________________
Going back to the corner where I first saw you
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag, I’m not gonna move
Got some words on cardboard, got your picture in my hand
Saying, “If you see this girl, can you tell her where I am?”
Some try to hand me money, they don’t understand
I’m not broke, I’m just a broken-hearted man
I know it makes no sense, but what else can I do?
How can I move on when I’m still in love with you?
Cause if one day you wake up and find that you’re missing me
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be
Thinking maybe you’ll come back here to the place that we’d meet
And you’ll see me waiting for you on the corner of the street
So I’m not moving, I’m not moving
Policeman says, “Son, you can’t stay here”
I say, “There’s someone I’m waiting for if it’s a day, a month, a year”
Gotta stand my ground even if it rains or snows
If she changes her mind, this is the first place she will go
Cause if one day you wake up and find that you’re missing me
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be
Thinking maybe you’ll come back here to the place that we’d meet
And you’ll see me waiting for you on the corner of the street
So I’m not moving, I’m not moving,
I’m not moving, I’m not moving
People talk about the guy that’s waiting on a girl
There are no holes in his shoes but a big hole in his world
Maybe I’ll get famous as the man who can’t be moved
Maybe you won’t mean to, but you’ll see me on the news
And you’ll come running to the corner
Cause you’ll know it’s just for you
I’m the man who can’t be moved
I’m the man who can’t be moved
Going back to the corner where I first saw you
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag, I’m not gonna move.
______________________________
I don’t know if you’ll concur, but I think The Man Who Can’t Be Moved is one hell of a romantic song. In fact, I think it and Chasing Cars (by Snow Patrol, also an Irish band) are the most romantic songs of this decade. They both speak of all-consuming love, which this world doesn’t have enough of.
I’d love to be sung The Man Who Can’t Be Moved to. Wouldn’t you feel just so special if you were the object of a love as passionate as the one the song sings about?
I’ll send the lyrics to my boyfriend. If I’m not mistaken or delusional (and I’m quite sure I’m not), he seems to feel as passionately about me as the man who can’t be moved. I’ll ask him if he’d sit on the corner, just waiting for me to show up, if something ever went wrong between us (which, I really, really, really hope, will NEVER happen).
Watch my cousin Alyssa and our omnipresent Ate Marlyn morph as they Photo Booth on my MacBook.
According to Aly, it is mandatory for anyone who has a Mac to morph themselves on Photo Booth. Honestly, I think it’s just an Atenean thing. (Yes, she’s from the Ateneo.) I haven’t Photo Boothed myself. I find it more interesting to type commands in the Terminal to allow my boyfriend to remotely access my computer, which was what I was doing in between Alyssa and Ate Marlyn’s Photo Booth sessions. (Yep, I pretty much trust my boyfriend that much.)
Anyways, here’s a gallery of all Photo Booth images on my laptop. Enjoy! Hey, maybe they’ll want to make you try Photo Booth yourselves.
S and I are talking about marriage and making babies. He just told me tonight that he wanted me to be the mother of his children. Isn’t that so romantic?! He’s sick though, and I’m worried.
I’m quickly finding out how emotional I can get when it comes to love.
Two maids who left stole some of my clothes from my closet before they left.
In a sudden turn of events, I am now in the process of being promoted as the chief nurse of Radiology. I don’t exactly know how it happened. The offer just came out of nowhere. Yesterday, I was just inserting intravenous lines to patients. The next thing I knew, I was in the VP’s office, being asked if I was interested in a promotion. It isn’t official yet, but the VP did tell me that he wanted the promotion to take effect ASAP.
Whew! I feel overwhelmed. I’m still kind of in a daze. I’ve been in a daze all day, actually.
I did go back to inserting intravenous lines to patients after the talk with the VP.
If only S’ day had turned out as well as mine did, my happiness would be complete. But that’s the problem with love. If the object of your affection isn’t happy, then you’re not happy. That’s why in spite of this amazing and wonderful career opportunity I’ve been presented with, all I can think about is the fact that he’s upset and his day was crappy.
Oh well, I guess perfection is indeed impossible to attain. But I wish with all my heart that tomorrow would be a perfect day for him.
August 8-10, 2009
Coron, Northern Palawan
Spots visited: The Coron Island Loop – Siete Pecados, Kalachuchi, Kayangan Lake, Barracuda Lake, Twin Lagoon, Banul Beach, Skeleton Shipwreck
Amidst some rocks, at Banul Beach
Palawan is called the Philippines’ last frontier. It is comprised of the main island, Palawan Island, and the smaller islands surrounding the main island. It stretches from Mindoro in the northeast and Borneo in the southwest. It is located just north of Malaysia’s Sabah Island.
The islands I visited are part of the Calamianes Group of Islands, comprised of Busuanga Island, Coron Island, and Culion Island. I did not get to go to Culion, which used to be the world’s largest leper colony. There are no lepers in Culion anymore, but the island has become a tourist attraction because of its rich history.
The view from a cliff overlooking the ocean
Takes your breath away, doesn't it?
Before the weekend of August 8, I had been dying to visit Palawan for quite some time. I originally wanted to see Puerto Princesa, where the underground river is, but a lot of people I had asked told me that they found Northern Palawan more breathtaking. On the said weekend, I got to fulfill my dream (or one of my many dreams, at least). I went to Coron. I arrived at the Francisco B. Reyes Airport in Busuanga before lunch. From the airport, I went straight to my hotel, the Busuanga Seadive Resort.
I was supposed to climb Mt. Tapyas after lunch. But I lacked sleep, and the beer I had with my vegetarian curry had a sedative effect on me, so I decided to sleep Saturday afternoon and Saturday night away. I know, I know, one does not go to Palawan to sleep! But hey, I was scheduled to go island hopping on Sunday, and I didn’t want to be ill-prepared for my seafaring adventure.
I woke up bright and early Sunday morning. I was scheduled, along with 5 other people, to take a tour of the Coron island loop. To say I was excited would be an understatement. The sea was beckoning, and I was more than willing to let it seduce me.
I won’t write a narrative of my island tour. I’ll let the pictures speak for themselves.
The Busuanga Seadive Resort
Siete Pecados (“Seven Islands”)
Kalachuchi Island
Docked on Kalachuchi waters
Crystal clear
The path to Kayangan Lake
From a cliff overlooking the ocean
Takes your breath away, doesn’t it?
The mouth of a cave near Kayangan Lake
Taking a breather
Kayangan Lake
The steep climb to Barracuda Lake
Barracuda Lake
A break form the cold waters of the lake
The journey to Twin Lagoon
See the school of fish?
Banul Beach
The beautiful rocks of Banul Beach
Amidst some rocks, at Banul Beach
My feet on fine, white sand
Let the beach take your breath away again
Approaching the site of the shipwreck
Beneath the water are colorful reefs and a rich sealife
Mt. Tapyas
Your writer and a bangka, near Twin Lagoon
I said goodbye to Palawan a couple of weekends ago. But that’s not to say that I won’t be saying hello to it again. I plan to go to Culion on my next visit, as well as to Calauit. Calauit Island, for your information, is a wildlife sanctuary. It was declared such in 1977, when then President Marcos imported eight species of African animals from Kenya: giraffes, zebras, impalas, waterbucks, gazelles, eland, topi, and bushbacks. These animals run freely on the island, which means going on a Calauit safari is like going on an African mini safari. I’ll make sure to rub elbows with these wildlife the next time I set foot on Palawan soil.
If you want to take a trip to Palawan, I suggest you contact Mr. Owen Ferrer. He organizes Coron trips for very reasonable prices. And when I say reasonable, I mean really cheap. You may want to check out his website, DIY Coron.
…Is that now, I have responsibilities that adults are expected to have. It also goes without saying that I am expected to take care of these responsibilities. Therein lies the problem. Most of the time, I can’t be bothered with these things. I can’t be bothered with talking to insurance people, negotiating with taxi drivers and taxi operators who charge too much for the repair of a bumper that has seen better days, spending cash on paperwork and legal matters when I’d much, much rather use it to go island hopping in Calaguas and surfing in Bagasbas. Oh damn, when did I suddenly become an adult and have to deal with grown-up stuff?! It seems like just yesterday when my mom was taking care of everything for me, and all I had to do was relax, sit back, and wait!
I remember Meredith Grey’s words: “When did we become adults? More importantly, how do we make it stop?” I swear, I could have written that line. It sounds like something I would say…today, next week, 10 years from now, and maybe even 50 years from now. Sometimes, when things stop going my way, I just want to lie in bed, curl up in a fetal position, and let my mommy take care of everything for me. I know, I know. Sometimes, one has to stop being her mother’s daughter. And the world doesn’t owe me anything. (Note to self: Russ, the world definitely doesn’t owe you anything.) But sometimes, I wish it did. That way, I can stake my claim on it.
My mom and I had breakfast together this morning. Before today, it had been a while since we had breakfast together. She was berating me the whole time, though, because of the car accident I got into last night. Yes, the accident was my fault. And yes, I have been avoiding having to take care of some paperwork for my car, until the last minute. The last minute, as it turned out, was last night. That meant that I had to run some errands so that it wouldn’t be too late. Anyone who knows me well enough knows how I hate running errands. I avoid them like the plague! But this morning, I had to face them!
When will this stop?
Well, probably never, seeing that I’m not getting any younger, and will most definitely never become younger again. Would that I were a child again, so I would still be shielded from all of this grown-up stuff!
But hey, who am I kidding?! I may hate most of the responsibilities that adulthood entails, but I know I’ll forever savor these moments…yes, both the good and the bad. These are the best years of my life, unavoidable duties I would much rather shirk from notwithstanding. Yes, these years are definitely the best thus far.
You people are probably getting a headache from reading this blog entry. You’re probably asking yourselves, am I mental or what?! Sometimes, I ask myself the same question. Let me put it this way: I both hate and love being an adult. I hate it that I have to deal with tasks and events that I never had to bother myself with when I was a kid. But I love the fact that I now know a lot of important things that I didn’t know then.
So would I rather this growing up process stop? Well, no, not really. Maybe sometimes I want to regress into childhood, maybe even infancy. For the most part, however, I think I can take it. Bring it on.
If only responsibilities weren’t such a nuisance, however!
Oh, don’t mind me. I guess this is what happens when a person who is fallin’…fallin’…fallin’ (in love, that is) is suddenly forced to face the non-romantic aspects of the daily grind of living!
Today, the late President Corazon Cojuangco Aquino will be buried at the Manila Memorial Park in Parañaque City. A mass will be held at 9AM at the Manila Cathedral, after which, her remains will be brought to Parañaque. She will be laid to rest beside her husband, Ninoy Aquino, one of our national heroes and one of the most pivotal characters in our country’s modern history.
For those who do not know, Cory Aquino became president after Marcos’ fall. In 1986, after the Filipino people decided that they had had enough of the dictator, Ferdinand Marcos, they marched to EDSA with the cry of “Tama na! Sobra na!” (“This has got to stop! We have had enough!“) What ensued was a 4-day series of demonstrations and prayer rallies, known as the People Power Revolution or the EDSA Revolution. It was the revolution that toppled the Marcos government. It was the revolution that stunned the world and served as an inspiration for people power movements in other countries, not because of the fact that it ended a 20-year dictatorship, but because it was able to end that dictatorship through non-violent means. Some of you have probably seen the pictures: the military among the civilians, holding their guns, but not using them; people giving roses to the soldiers; the soldiers smiling at the people, as if they were one with them.
I’m glad that I’m old enough to remember People Power. I was 9 years old in 1986. I was just a self-absorbed kid who was still playing with her Barbie dolls, but even then, the images I saw on screen touched me. I wanted to be part of the momentous events that I was witnessing on TV. But I was just a kid, and the grown-ups wouldn’t let me go with them. Until now, though, whenever I see footages of the EDSA revolution, I still get chills.
The Filipino people love Cory, that much is evident from the unanimous grief that is almost palpable in the air today. I think we have always loved Cory. Her detractors called her weak; some people thought she was too nice and too good to lead a nation. In this country, one has to have a heart ruled by greed and balls of steel to become a politician. She had neither. What she had, though, was principles. She sometimes made mistakes in supporting candidates (she used to support Gloria), but it was apparent that she wanted what was best for the Philippines. When it became too obvious that the present government was (and still very much is) an extremely corrupt one, she withdrew her support.
Today has been declared a special non-working holiday in her honor. If I didn’t have to work today, I would go to the Manila Cathedral even though I’m agnostic. I just want to pay my respects. But we nurses have no holidays, so I guess I’ll just have to watch from the sidelines again.
Who among you are hoping that Cory’s death and the memory of her life, as well as the legacy of EDSA, will rouse this sleeping country once again; rouse it enough to say, once again, “Tama na! Sobra na!“?
At 5AM today, I learned that former president Corazon Cojuangco Aquino has passed away. She died at 3:18AM. She battled colon cancer for months, and early today, her body finally gave up the fight. I don’t have time to write a tribute or to enumerate the reasons why I feel her loss even though I didn’t know her personally, but I will say that her death saddens me very much. She was the only Philippine president I actually liked.
She also reminds me of my mom. No, they don’t look alike or have (had) the same life, but the way she was with her children (especially with Kris) is the way my mom is with me.
Goodbye, Madame President. I think that, in the Philippines’ history, you were the only president who actually cared about this country.
I never cry at the moment of departure, and I always manage to put on a brave face. But saying goodbye always stings. It’s like a part of me, no matter how small, is ripped from my heart. What’s left is a wound, albeit small and even negligible at times, that I know will eventually become just a scar.
Whenever I say goodbye, I’m smiling. And I always wish the person leaving the best. I always manage to utter the words, “Have a good life. I wish you well. See you later.”
But all I’m yearning to say is…Don’t say goodbye. Stay. Don’t go. Please don’t leave me.
I know the wound will eventually heal. But that knowledge doesn’t help much. Not at the moment of goodbye, anyway.
I’ve said a few goodbyes in the last couple of years. I said goodbye again on Friday. On August 9, I will say goodbye again.
I’m tough. I don’t break. The past farewells have seen to that. They have helped to mold who I am now: a woman who’s strong and beautiful and free.
I’m still wishing, though, that this time, goodbye will not be the end. Maybe this time, goodbye will be followed with a “Hello again.” After all, according to one of the messages of Paulo Coelho’s The Alchemist, when you want something bad enough, all of the universe will conspire to give it to you.
July 19, 2009
Lago de Oro, Calatagan, Batangas Activities: Wakeboarding on the lake, frolicking in the South China Sea, and (of course, of course, of course!) camwhoring Participants: The thrill-seekers (yet again), Russ and Jen
Shhh. I'm daydreaming.
I was scheduled to go to Calaguas island on July 18-19. But due to the effing rain, I decided to forgo the trip. I signed up with TF to surf in La Union instead. But again, because of the effing rain, everyone was against me going. So I decided I’d rather be safe than sorry and had to forgo that trip, too. The sun came out on Saturday, though. Yours truly, longing for some adrenaline rush, convinced Jen to go wakeboarding on Sunday…
…And so off to Batangas, Jen and I went!
But going back to Calatagan meant going back to basics for me. I’m out of practice, and I really should head back to the Cam Sur Watersports Complex soon.
She’ll take you there!
Getting ready for some adrenaline rush
Stoked
On surfing vs. wakeboarding: Surfing is more fun, with the sport being done amidst the beauty of either the sea or the ocean. But wakeboarding is more challenging, giving me more of an adrenaline rush.
After two hours of wakeboarding, we headed to the beach, all sore and ready to be overwhelmed by the beauty of the vast backyard of the resort, the South China Sea.
The Sea
Jen, beckoning you to join her in her playground
Shall I see you on the beach one of these days, people?
Crosses & Redirects